Friday, February 27, 2009


or at least for those left behind! I mean old or young (although young is WAY WORSE to me) it is sad. Even if a 100 year old person dies there is still someone that is going to miss them like crazy! Whether you are 100 or 10 when you die people are going to miss that person. Yes, that 100 year old had a LONG life and all...they probably had a good life, did all the things they wanted to, BUT THERE IS STILL SOMEONE LEFT BEHIND THAT IS GOING TO MISS THEM and that just stinks! Even knowing that person is hopefully in heaven and in a much better place than we are, you are still going to miss them. Yes, they are out of pain (if they were in it before) and they no longer are worried about their illness (if they had one) but they are still going to be missed! All of the things that are said when someone dies...THEY ARE ALL TRUE but it doesn't make you NOT MISS THEM EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY probably UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE! And to me, THAT STINKS!

My pawpaw (my moms dad) died like 18 years ago...IS THAT RIGHT?? Man, it doesn't seem like it has been that long ago. I still remember when he was here like it was yesterday. I still miss him as much as I did 18 years ago when he died! After 18 years I still wish he was here to talk to and laugh with AND AT! He was so funny and he didn't even know he was which made him even funnier! I wish my husband would have known him, I wish my boys would have known him, I WISH HE WAS STILL HERE WITH US! I am not saying when he was here there wasn't challenges we all went through because of him or there weren't constant issues we all dealt with because of him or that sometimes he wasn't such a great person. I know he wasn't the best husband or the best dad BUT I can honestly say, even with all his problems and issues that HE WAS THE BEST PAWPAW I COULD HAVE EVER HAD and I never would have traded him for another one! I miss him and even with all the things we went through with him and because of him I would still want him back, even if just for a day...a week...a month...I WOULD TAKE ANYTHING TO JUST HUG HIM ONE MORE TIME AND TELL HIM HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM! It stinks even more to have to watch your loved one die. I mean ok, you still have them with you and you still can tell them you love them but when they are no longer themselves and they are in pain and suffering you almost want them to die (as bad as that sounds) just so they can be themselves again and not be in pain and not to have to suffer anymore, ya know!? I can remember when my pawpaw was in the hospital at the end. IT WAS AWFUL! He couldn't breathe good, not sure he even knew we were there with him...IT ALL STINKS! I really hate even remembering those days! I LOVE AND MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY PAWPAW and will until the day I die (no matter how much time has passed since you left us)! I cant wait to see you again and to hug you again and I just hope you know how much I know that my sister and I loved you and how much we miss you and what we wouldn't give to be able to have you here again with us! And I know that my mom also loved you...LOVES YOU and MISSES YOU like crazy too!

I wanted to write more on this and intended to but now I am just sad and no longer feel like writing about it! I am sorry for everyone that has ever lost someone or ever will, which is EVERYONE, its just a part of life we all have to go through and it never gets easier.

If you are the praying kind please say some extra prayers for my uncle, aunt and cousin, they are going through exactly what I have explained above and IT ALL STINKS RIGHT NOW! I just want my uncle to get better and back to himself or to go be with JESUS. I don't want him to be here and to suffer and to not be himself and for his wife and daughter to have to watch him have to go through all of this...IT STINKS! But I also know it is GOD'S WILL NOT OURS! GOD will do HIS will in HIS TIME NOT OURS!

Just love your life and your loved ones while you have them cause in literally a minute things can change FOREVER!

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